What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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