The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
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Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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