on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Shame - the story of my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize