a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize