I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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