I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize