Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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