I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize