He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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