She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
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You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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