You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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