apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
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So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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