this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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