my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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