Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize