I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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