its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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