Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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