piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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