I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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