Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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