Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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