My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize