So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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