you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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