it's too hot outside to masturbate.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize