Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
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Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
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Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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