but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
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I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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