The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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