u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize