I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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