you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
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I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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