I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
NoShamevember. You game?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize