I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize