My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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