Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize