You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize