Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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