thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
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Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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