I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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