Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
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Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
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Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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