I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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