I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
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I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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