The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize