Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize