Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize