dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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