Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
