I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
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I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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