it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize