Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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